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In the last two years, Jennie Allen has published two New York Times Best Seller self-help books. Her words have resonated with anxious readers across the world who struggle to build a community of close friends and loved ones. As Allen explains in Find Your People, meaningful relationships are hard to come by due to the rise of social media and individualism in Western culture today. During a time when it feels terrifying to need people, her warm and inviting tone guides readers in their endeavors to achieve personal growth, identify crucial facets of deep connection, and put God at the center of social interactions. She tells us that these actions are key to forging those necessary social connections we crave so desperately. And she does it all through this thoroughly personal and faith-based guide.
Confrontation and vulnerability are two pillars on which Allen suggests we build relationships. She encourages the use of these methods through including her own personal anecdotes, verbatim conversations she’s had with friends, and quotes from the Bible in her latest book. The wisdom this guide exudes is an obvious result of the lessons she learned from past relationship-related mistakes and trials. This book’s thesis statement seems to be that if deep connection is supposed to be a part of our everyday lives, we should open ourselves to such susceptible situations, because the reward is greater than the risk. Somewhere along the way, Allen muses, we stopped needing one another. But she is convinced we can establish patterns of living that help you find your people, and she is determined to show you how.
Like any worthy self-help book, Find Your People provides you with interactive means to aid your search for interpersonal connection. Allen challenges readers to execute experiments which connect you to five other people in five weeks. She also asks you to journal, consider the written thoughts of other people in similar situations as you, schedule group gatherings with friends, take inventory of how you’re spending your time, and so much more. This guide is truly a meticulous way to attain deeper relationships, though it is not for those unwilling to put in the work. Additionally, she equips you with definitions which help the average person determine their needs within healthy and connected relationships: This includes five God-centered interactions to build healthier relationships, six steps to having a vulnerable conversation, different types of people to recognize and befriend, and so on. The work is there; you just have to do it.
Allen emphasizes how this manual for obtaining your community is a joint journey; she is still working on herself and her relationships. This transparency and honesty parallel the exact characteristics with which Allen asks you to qualify your relationships. She shows you firsthand how difficult yet rewarding it can be to commit to these ways of being and interacting. In this way, the example she sets is motivating. It separates Find Your People from more objective self-help works, allowing the reader to delve deeper emotionally and truly achieve profound human connection.
Jennie Allen is first and foremost a Christian writer. Many of her publications are centered around her relationship with God, her Christian values, and the idea that everything we do is meant to serve God first and others second. Find Your People suggests that finding your community is essential to recreating God’s kingdom as we await His return. Christian beliefs, prayers, and Bible quotes run rampant in her works, so if this does not resonate with you, you may find it difficult to align yourself with much of Allen’s reasoning behind building a deeper interconnected community. But, regardless of whether you are religious or not, Allen’s core message rings true:
“You aren’t alone in feeling alone.”
She has deciphered foolproof methods of forging friendships, deepening preexisting relationships, and looking inside yourself in order to create this rounded community. She cares about you, the reader. She even goes as far as to call you her friend. If you open your mind and heart as she suggests, this guide may tug at your anxieties, loneliness, and capacity for love in a way you didn’t know was possible. It just might help fulfill your life in the ways you were looking for when you picked up this book.
My neuro-buddy Curt Thompson likes to say we all come into the world looking for someone looking for us.
In a world that’s both more connected and more isolating than ever before, we’re often tempted to do life alone, whether because we’re so busy or because relationships feel risky and hard. But science confirms that consistent, meaningful connection with others has a powerful impact on our well-being. We are meant to live known and loved. But so many are hiding behind emotional walls that we’re experiencing an epidemic of loneliness.
In Find Your People, bestselling author Jennie Allen draws on fascinating insights from science and history, timeless biblical truth, and vulnerable stories from her own life to help you:
• overcome the barriers to making new friends and learn to initiate with easy-to-follow steps
• find simple ways to press through awkward to get to authentic in conversations
• understand how conflict can strengthen relationships rather than destroy them
• identify the type of friend you are and the types of friends you need
• learn the five practical ingredients you need to have the type of friends you’ve always longed for
You were created to play, engage, adventure, and explore—with others. In Find Your People, you’ll discover exactly how to dive into the deep end and experience the full wonder of community. Because while the ache of loneliness is real, it doesn’t have to be your reality.
All in all, Find Your People pushes you to actively choose discomfort to enrich your relationships and procure the community all human beings need to thrive. Allen bravely bares all in the hopes that people will understand that they are not alone. Her comforting yet firm way of presenting advice implores you to give her methods a chance, and her conscientious exercises tempt you to be just as honest and raw with yourself as she is with you.
Jennie Allen is a family-oriented author who leads with her Christian values. She runs both a blog and a podcast which further tackle topics surrounding meaningful relationships and how to achieve them. Her book, Get Out of Your Head, spent 31 weeks on the New York Times Best Sellers List. It also became the top new title in the 2020 religion category.
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